[Milliways]: First Gestures

[smallgayjew]

Posner can't believe that it's actually here. He can't believe he's finally leaving home (with Dakin) and moving out (with Dakin) and starting at Oxford (with Dakin). He's got all his essentials packed into a trunk and a suitcase, and it feels like too little to encompass his life so far, but it also feels appropriate to be starting a new life without any of the encumbrances of the old.

On the platform, he kisses his mum and hugs his dad and shakes his uncle's hand, and he tries not to look at the tears his mum is holding back, and he tries not to let his own fall. It isn't sad, not really. It's only...a bit frightening.

So he kisses his mum once more, and he lets her fix his hair, and he hugs his dad again, and then he takes a deep breath and lugs his trunk and his suitcase and his whole life onto the train and moves to find a seat by the window so he can wave them off they can wave him off.

And he doesn't sing Gracie Fields this time, but he wants to.

Comments

[pushtheboatout]

"Try," Stuart says.

[smallgayjew]

David nods and closes his eyes again. "I'm trying."

[pushtheboatout]

"Our house," says Stuart. "Our lovely little house, where we throw parties and host dinners and have evenings just to ourselves.

"And nobody looks at us askance because we're two men who live together and love each other. Nobody cares at all. They like us for us. They like you because you're clever and gentle and sweet, and they like me because who wouldn't like me?"

[smallgayjew]

David's lips twitch up at that, and he opens his eyes to smile at Stuart.

"Nobody cares?"

[pushtheboatout]

"Nobody," Stuart repeats firmly.

[smallgayjew]

"I think I saw it," David says quietly. "For a moment."

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart slides his fingers along the back of David's hand.

"Hold onto it. Even if it's just for a moment. The more you look at it, the longer it'll last."

[smallgayjew]

David smiles at that, turning his hand palm up.

It's easy for him to picture Stuart in that life. It's more difficult for him to add himself to the picture.

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart slides his fingers over David's palm, too.

[ooc Sorry for the delay. Got a late call for an interview tomorrow :D and had to iron some clothes.]

[smallgayjew]

David's smile grows a bit.

"This living hand, now warm and capable
Of earnest grasping, would, if it were cold
And in the icy silence of the tomb,
So haunt thy days and chill thy dreaming nights
That thou wouldst wish thine own heart dry of blood
So in my veins red life might stream again,
And thou be conscience-calmed--see here it is--
I hold it towards you."

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart smiles and responds softly,

"As you get older you begin to wonder -
what was all that lightning and thunder
actually about?
It was more than holding hands,
it had a lot to do with glands -
but now you're far out,

floating calmly in a lonely seascape;
very long ago
left behind - what they call Youth
seems now ridiculous, uncouth
(if you want to know).

As you settle into peace, or dourness,
that bitter-sweet, that sweet-and-sourness
is a vanished state;
yet those who never clasped and kissed
don't know exactly what they missed
or what exactly went to waste."

[smallgayjew]

David moves his hand thoughtfully, briefly entwining his fingers with Stuart's.

"It was your birthday, we had drunk and dined
Half of the night with our old friend
Who'd showed us in the end
To a bed I reached in one drunk stride.
Already I lay snug,
And drowsy with the wine dozed on one side.

I dozed, I slept. My sleep broke on a hug,
Suddenly, from behind,
In which the full lengths of our bodies pressed:
Your instep to my heel,
My shoulder-blades against your chest.
It was not sex, but I could feel
The whole strength of your body set,
Or braced, to mine,
And locking me to you
As if we were still twenty-two
When our grand passion had not yet
Become familial.
My quick sleep had deleted all
Of intervening time and place.
I only knew
The stay of your secure firm dry embrace."

[pushtheboatout]

"You have to wonder," murmurs Stuart, "if people overhearing this think we're speaking our own language."

[smallgayjew]

David laughs softly at that, shifting to lean against Stuart. "We are."

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart puts an arm around David's shoulders.

Instead of reciting, he softly sings.

"Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love

Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love

Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end

Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love"

[smallgayjew]

David doesn't pull away this time, though his cheeks pinken a bit. He closes his eyes to listen to Stuart singing.

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart brushes his lips against David's temple.

"Not that I believe in God," he says. "But neither did John Lennon."

[smallgayjew]

"I'm not sure I do either," David admits faintly, keeping his eyes closed purposefully so he can't see if anyone is watching.

[pushtheboatout]

"Still, sometimes it's nice to pray about the important things."

[smallgayjew]

"It's ritual," David says, since that is mostly what prayer has been for him. "Tradition."

[pushtheboatout]

"God bless our love," Stuart says.

[smallgayjew]

"Amen," David whispers.

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart smiles and pulls him closer for a moment.

[smallgayjew]

David tries not to tense up, concentrating on breathing evenly.

[pushtheboatout]

"Relax," Stuart says. "Breathe. Think about that little house."