[Milliways]: First Gestures

[smallgayjew]

Posner can't believe that it's actually here. He can't believe he's finally leaving home (with Dakin) and moving out (with Dakin) and starting at Oxford (with Dakin). He's got all his essentials packed into a trunk and a suitcase, and it feels like too little to encompass his life so far, but it also feels appropriate to be starting a new life without any of the encumbrances of the old.

On the platform, he kisses his mum and hugs his dad and shakes his uncle's hand, and he tries not to look at the tears his mum is holding back, and he tries not to let his own fall. It isn't sad, not really. It's only...a bit frightening.

So he kisses his mum once more, and he lets her fix his hair, and he hugs his dad again, and then he takes a deep breath and lugs his trunk and his suitcase and his whole life onto the train and moves to find a seat by the window so he can wave them off they can wave him off.

And he doesn't sing Gracie Fields this time, but he wants to.

Comments

[pushtheboatout]

"'m awake," he mumbles, still asleep.

[smallgayjew]

"Sit up, love," David says.

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart inhales as he wakes, both abruptly, and blinks at David. "Sorry." He gathers himself back into his own seat.

[smallgayjew]

"'salright," David murmurs, but his cheeks are bright red.

[pushtheboatout]

"What are you blushing about?"

[smallgayjew]

"People are staring," he mumbles, looking out the window.

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart looks around, annoyed. So he fell asleep on his friend? God, people sometimes.

[smallgayjew]

David just sort of hunches against the window.

[pushtheboatout]

He's more upset that David's upset than whatever these people think of him.

He says quietly, "Should I find somewhere else to sit?"

[smallgayjew]

"No," David answers softly. "It's fine. I don't want you to go."

That would just make things worse, he thinks.

[pushtheboatout]

"Then stop worrying about what other people think. What right have they go to judge us, hm? I dozed off and your shoulder's comfortable. That's all they need to know."

[smallgayjew]

"I care what they think, Stu," David says quietly.

[pushtheboatout]

"Why? You're never going to see any of these people again."

[smallgayjew]

"But they're here on the train with us now. And they will be, possibly, until we get to Oxford. And maybe some of them are getting off there too."

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart huffs and looks away.

"So this is what it's going to be like."

[smallgayjew]

"What did you think it was going to be like?"

[pushtheboatout]

"I didn't think you'd be so afraid to be who you are. I understand about your parents, I do, but when's it going to end, David? People on the train, people at university, people at your job--there's always going to be someone to hide from.

"Unless you refuse to stop hiding altogether."

off to choir, be back later :)

[smallgayjew]

"I don't know," David admits, frowning. "I just...I'm not ready yet."

have fun!

[pushtheboatout]

"Do you think you ever will be?"

[smallgayjew]

"I don't know," David answers honestly, looking a bit worried.

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart sighs again, and then squeezes David's shoulder briefly.

[smallgayjew]

David frowns a bit and asks softly, "Would you be upset if I never was?"

[pushtheboatout]

"Yes. I can't imagine having to hide that I love you for the rest of my life."

[smallgayjew]

After a brief pause, David says, "I wish I could be like you."

[pushtheboatout]

Stuart looks at him, quietly distressed. "Who says you can't be? So what if people are looking at us? It's not like we're going to whip out our cocks and start wanking. I want to hold your hand. I want to put my arm around you. I want to fall asleep with my head on your shoulder, and I can't even touch your face right now because people are looking and it upsets you."